Yet another tirade against India's batting line-up

As a sports fan, 2012 has been a forgettable year for me. Liverpool, under Brendan Rodgers, haven’t set Anfield ablaze as promised. Rafael Nadal has been seen with more bandages than racquets. And the Indian cricket team refuses to stop making a mockery of itself and its faithful fans. Thinking of Liverpool, hope comes to my mind. Sympathy for Nadal. And pure hate for the Men in Blue. And this article is about the latter.

After the debacles in Mumbai and Kolkata, there have been reports, letters and articles aplenty about that sinking ship called Team India. Fickle as we Indian fans are, we all start ranting and raving about the team, now that it keeps losing. Now, criticising a losing team is an easy and hypocritical thing to do. Especially when you’re not alone. But this article isn’t just about mildly stating that the team has miles to go and should play better cricket. It is anything but that, actually. What I really want to do, but cannot do due to technical impossibilities, is issue a howler against the entire team. Yes, a Mrs Weasley kind of howler. One that shouts, barks and screams at them. That is what I, and many others who idolised that team, want to do.

Now, though I want to blame them too, Sachin Tendulkar and MS Dhoni are not the only reasons why the team lies below dire straits. In fact, every other player in that squad, bar a few exceptions, deserve a huge bollocking from the disillusioned fans. Batsmen, bowlers, management-everybody. But then, unlike the team which is the epitome of on-field indiscipline, it would be better if we’re more disciplined in the way we blame them. We’ll go the way the squad goes. And as blaming the whole team would take ages, we stick to the team’s much vaunted batting line-up. The batting line-up said to be the best on paper, the best when in form, and is neither.

Gautam Gambhir – not giving it his all

Gautam Gambhir. One of India’s best batsmen in the limited overs format. One of the best openers we’ve had. Gambhir’s batting square of the wicket and the manner in which he keeps the scoreboard ticking is a delight to watch. Or rather, WAS a delight to watch. After a well-deserved century against Bangladesh in January 2010, he has failed to score a single ton. 3 years, 23 matches and 45 innings later, all that he has to show is a handful of half-centuries. This is simply unacceptable from a senior, frontline, opening batsman. Every time he wears that jersey, he gives 100%, he repeatedly says. Now, either he’s lying or he shouldn’t be given that jersey anymore. Its time for change. Especially, when one takes into account that he offers nothing else on field. Gambhir’s efforts in the deep should be captured with a Canon DSLR, published in a hard-bound textbook and taught to the students of the game as, “How not to field”. It is that bad at times. Better than Inzamam, but that’s more of an insult than a compliment. Honestly, 100%?

Moving from one Dilli-boy to the next. Though he is also currently guilty of doing more harm than good to Indian cricket, I love Virender Sehwag. His calm demeanour, mad batting and awful running between the wickets give new definitions to the word “laidback”. Now, unlike Gambhir, Sehwag scores a century every once in a while. It is when one tries to look what’s in between the “once in a while”, that one sees there’s nothing much. But that is quintessential Sehwag, his fans argue. Yes, the flaws of a quintessential Sehwag knock could be overlooked with the likes of Dravid, Laxman and Ganguly around. Not when the team is huffing and puffing to score 300. And when is he going to ground the bat while running between the wickets? Sehwag clearly hasn’t learnt from his past lessons. Also, I fail to understand the number of run-outs between Sehwag and Gambhir. Surely, can’t their well documented partnership and understanding of each other prevent that? And as far as Viru’s fielding is concerned, the less talked about it, the better. Possessed with a literal Delhi-Belly, Sehwag manages to beautifully imitate a sitting duck everytime he dives on his stomach in the covers. His fielding in the slip cordon is slightly better, but nothing to write home about.

Sachin Tendulkar – time to call it a day?

The Indian media and Sachin Tendulkar share this sort of weird relationship wherein, the former will always be obsessed with something or the other concerning the latter. This has been the case for many years now, whether it be his 35th Test ton, the tennis elbow, the 100th hundred and unfortunately, of late, his retirement. He could’ve retired after winning the World Cup in his own backyard. I mean, is there anything more dramatic than that? Okay, the 100th hundred is unique, monumental - agreed. But not at the cost of the team. He laboured towards his milestone and has been labouring ever since. Right now, Ravichandran Ashwin possesses better technique against the spinners than Sachin. He himself has said that 2015 looks improbable. If that’s the case, what is he waiting for? Hasn’t he been given a long enough rope? When is he going to quit the longer version of the game?

It is only in India, and maybe in Pakistan ,that sentiments rule – even with the BCCI Elite Selection Panel. How else can you explain the inclusion of Yuvraj Singh into the team? With all due respect to Yuvi, his was a selection in which merit was given the backseat over a heart-warming headline. Yes, Yuvi deserved all the support in the world – from his fans, well wishers and the board. But a place in the Indian team? No way, at least not so fast. Even players nursing minor injuries would have been asked to play more practice matches before thinking about a place in the squad, leave alone the Final XI. Now that the furore over his heroic return is over, he has been pounced upon as the easiest scapegoat by the management and sacked for God-knows-how-long. Wouldn’t it have been wiser to not have taken him in the first place? It would only have been fair to the others fighting for that middle-order spot as well as to a desperately out of sorts Yuvi.

The swagger that followed that six off Nuwan Kulasekara is now nowhere to be seen. It has been replaced by a rather resigned, yet stubborn, expression. MS Dhoni and his mysterious ways have shown the Indian cricket team both sides of the coin – the zenith as well as the nadir. Captain courageous of India’s legendary World Cup campaign. Captain who has closed his eyes to the follies of his and his boys’ ways ever since. MS Dhoni, the batsman, doesn’t deserve a place in the T20 and Test squad. The One-Day squad needs him, but not necessarily as captain. All that remains of his T-20 batting are faint memories of an imperious helicopter shot. MSD, the keeper, doesn’t deserve a place in any Indian squad. Naman Ojha, Parthiv Patel and Dinesh Karthik are light years ahead in that aspect. Dhoni deserves a rest more than anything else. The way he struggles to take balls on the bounce further vindicates this. As his batting and keeping leave a lot to be desired, the only reason for his inclusion in the team should be brilliant captaincy. But then, 5 fielders square of the wicket, with three of them on the legside, and 4 of them on the boundary in a Test match is anything but brilliant. Our innocuous bowling attack would find it difficult to take 20 wickets even if everything goes right for them. But add Dhoni’s field placements to that, and taking 20 wickets becomes something bordering on the impossible. Compare this with the standard field of Michael Clarke – 2 slips, a fourth slip, short leg, silly point, short-midwicket, short cover, cover – he piles up the pressure on the batsman. Its time Dhoni became at least half as pro-active. Or rather, its time for Dhoni to be shown the door.

Are talented batsmen like Manoj Tiwary not getting enough chances?

Take away Virat Kohli and Cheteshwar Pujara, nobody else deserves their place in the batting line-up of the team. They have been given too many chances, much to the rightful chagrin of those waiting in the wings. Players like Badrinath, Manoj Tiwary and Dinesh Karthik ought to be given more chances. Others like Shikhar Dhawan and Ambati Rayudu are waiting for that one big break. They should be given atleast a fraction of the chances given to the so-called “biggies”. But none of this is going to happen. The team will win two Tests, silence everybody, and lose the next 10. And Dhoni, Tendulkar, Gambhir and the rest will continue with their merry ways.