Signs that you are dating or are an emotionally avoidant person

Our attachment styles constantly influence our relationships.

When you are with an emotionally avoidant person, you find yourself running towards them for love and attention. However, you will find them running further away.

These behavioral patterns stem from our attachments and bonding tendencies. Unfortunately, people who are emotionally avoidant are not very aware of their own traits and behaviors.

These mechanisms are often self-serving in nature and protect us from any potential hurt or harm. There is a chance that you have been hurt so many times while growing up, you decide to put up big walls. Due to your recent or past experiences, you may not feel comfortable opening up or feeling safe in a relationship.

If you are in a relationship with someone like that, you may remain conflicted about whether the person cares for you or not. If you are in a relationship with an emotionally avoidant man or woman, it's important to be aware of certain patterns.

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Signs that you are dating an emotionally avoidant or unavailable person

Certain signs can be indicative of an avoidant attachment style. (Image via Vecteezy/Kseniia Chunaeva)

An emotionally avoidant person has an avoidant attachment style.

A person with this behavioral pattern is likely to prioritize themselves over the relationship. They are likely to draw walls compared to bridges.

Emotional unavailability can hurt. In the relationship, the other partner can feel that they are the only ones putting in effort. Here are some signs of an avoidant partner:

#1 I will hurt you before you hurt me

If a person with an attachment style feels that they may be abandoned, hurt or disappointed, they are likely to cut ties with the other person.

Their rationale is to protect themselves at any cost. They are good to others if they are good to them. However, at any signal of hurt, they will cut you off. Their attachment style works against the cohesion of the relationship.

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#2 I am okay, and I don't need help

Emotionally avoidant partners are least likely to ask for help. (Image via Vecteezy/Sa Lim)

If you have this attachment style, you are likely to put up an emotional facade. You are very unlikely to show others what you are going through.

If you do have this attachment style, you know that you are too scared to reveal your true feelings. If you do, you again have a chance of being judged or hurt.

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#3 Hard things don't bother me

You may pretend to be sailing through difficult times. You might be scared inside, but you may not reveal your thoughts and feelings to another person. You may hide these feelings even from yourself.

It's easier for emotionally avoidant people to have conversations about others feelings, but you may not do it for yourself. That can slowly develop into chronic attachment issues.

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#4 All I need is me

Emotionally avoidant or unavailable partners try to focus on hyper autonomy. (Image via Vecteezy/Pakpong Pongatichat)

Avoidant or unavailable partners strongly believe that they are on their own and don't need to rely on anyone else.

Consequently, you may tell yourself that you don't need to seek help. While it can be great to be independent, not seeking help can lead to further loneliness and isolation.

An emotionally avoidant partner may be going through a lot and yet not be able to open up.

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Yes, being vulnerable is a risky move. However, it's what helps us become connected to others around us. By becoming aware of our attachment styles, you not only help yourself but also others around you.

If you can, try to push yourself to be there for others, and be more open to the ones you love and cherish. Being emotionally avoidant is not a unchangeable trait, but it can stop you from truly being with others.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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